What I Want
by shampoo147
Summary: Things done to get their way. What lengths will Tallahasse, Wichita, Little Rock, and Columbus go to to get what they want without hurting each other? Rated for language.
1. Drencrum, Anyone?

Shampoo147: I know, i know, but this was irresistable, the bunnies won't leave me alone!

Ayame: You soud like Fez.

Garfield: Whatever, just feed me.

Shampoo147: We do not own Kuro-no, uhm, Kerero-no! Crap, what is this? Oh, Zombieland! We do not own Zombieland or any characters in the movie, no matter how much we want to.

Ayame: This just came to mind, a story dedication to the first person to correctly guess what the movie is!

Cheeze: Here I am! (walks out of the room)

Ayame: That was our good friend, TaintedDust!

Shampoo147: Good friend my ass, she's our _only _friend.

* * *

Drecrum, Anyone?

Tallahassee quickly (but efficiently, of course) rechecked his bullet count as they got ready to go. No one was speaking to him, which he was glad for. Just yesterday they had to say good-bye to his beloved Caddi. The engine had overheated (he leaves that bitch to drive and catches one fucking hour of sleep . . . and she overheats the engine). Had they been near a garage, Tallahassee could've fixed it himself . . . but they weren't and he barely got to tell her good-bye (they were being attacked by a large horde of zombie shit). Sure, the van they found to replace her was cool (Spit-fuck and Little Rock had gotten excited about the DVD player for the backseat passengers), but it wasn't his Caddi.

Anyway, they'd been hiding out in an entertainment store (FYE) until they could recover themselves. Hence, the zombie fuckers had wandered away, they had reloaded and slept, and spit-fuck and Little Rock had entertained themselves looking through the DVD and CD selections, pulling out the ones they wanted. One good thing about spit-fuck's proclaimed _Zombieland_ was that they didn't have to pay for shit anymore.

"Hey, Tallahassee, watch this with me?" spit-fuck suddenly asked him.

Tallahassee barely glanced at the DVD Columbus was holding in front of him before saying, "Later."

Ohio may have been a reclusive shut-in, but he did recognize the dismissal. Unable to stop himself, he crossed his arms and pouted in the corner.

'Don't look at him, don't look at him.' Tallahassee thought determinably, knowing that he'd give in the second he looked at spit-fuck. "Look, I can't sit in back; we can't let her wreck another vehicle." At this, Wichita turned and glared at him.

Ohio, seeing that pouting wouldn't do shit as long as Tallahassee didn't look at him, stuck his hoodie string in his mouth and sulked in the corner. Little Rock, knowing how it was to be brushed off like that, took pity on her brother-surrogate, "Don't worry, Calli. I'll watch it with you!"

Ohio stopped sulking and smiled at her before frowning, "But it's rated R . . . "

" . . . "

" . . . "

"You're fucking with us, right Spit-fuck?"

* * *

Tallahassee glanced into the rearview mirror and snorted at what he saw. Curious, Wichita turned to look in back of her and gained an out of character cutesy face as she watched the two youngest of the group watch the DVD.

_'Three, two, one . . .'_ Tallahassee counted down.

"Awww . . . "

'There it is.' But even Tallahassee had to admit that it was _almost_ cute, if you thought that a bitch like spit-fuck and a kid like Little Rock cuddling into each other wearing over-large headphones and staring glazy-eyed into a small screen on the roof was cute. . .

"What's that mean, what's that mean?" Both Tallahassee and Wichita jumped at Little Rock's sudden exclamation and both turned back to look. Little Rock was jerking on Ohio's arm and was pointing at the screen, while pointing at it, too. Ohio tore his eyes away from the screen long enough to whisper something into her ear and she nodded.

Wichita and Tallahassee glanced at each other and shrugged.

It was a relatively quiet ride, which made Tallahassee nervous.

* * *

Wichita was preparing the canned food while Tallahassee was making sure they were well armed. Both Columbus and Little Rock had fallen asleep two hours after the movie (two hours of them whispering back and forth) and neither the protectors had the heart to wake them up (although Tallahassee had to carry them inside).

As Wichita poured out the Ravioli, Little Rock suddenly threw open the door crying, "Hello my little droogies!" with Columbus trailing after her.

Wichita looked at her while Tallahassee dug in. After a moment, she decided not to ask.

* * *

"'Appy Pollyloggies." Little Rock said after bumping into Tallahassee on another Twinkie raid. There had been more fucking zombies than there should've been, so all four of them were together.

"What?" Tallahassee looked at her before turning to spit-fuck when it became clear that she wasn't going to answer. He shrugged; Tallahassee gave him the _look_, but Columbus was very determined not to look at him and use Wichita as a human shield against Florida's penetrating gaze.

"Now, no one needs a clean tash-took, so let's get with the like, ultra-violence against the soddin' bratchneys!" Little Rock cried as several more zombies ran down the aisle. Tallahassee quickly took care of them before looking at Little Rock.

"What did you say?" that was Wichita.

Little Rock and Columbus just gave them pouting "I'm innocent" looks, making both Tallahassee and Wichita twitch and back off.

* * *

_'I'm singing in the rain_  
_Just singing in the rain!"_

Tallahassee was twitching, trying to control his urge to solve this with violence. For the past week, Little Rock had been singing the same damn song over and over. Wichita had been happy, at first, but now even she was twitching.

To make matters worse, neither Tallahassee nor Wichita understood what the hell she was _saying_ anymore. She would be saying things like, "Any moloko-plus?" and "A malanky bit, like, nadmenny, eh?" and it was driving both Wichita and Tallahassee crazy. Mainly Wichita, as Ohio had become Tallahassee's major pain in the ass.

The boy was a bitch, and thus, annoying, but he was _really_ pushing his limits now. Every time Tallahassee ordered him to explain what was going on with Little Rock (as it was obvious that he knew), the boy would play innocent or blatantly run away (the latter having become more frequent lately). Tallahassee was well used to getting his way with the spineless spit-fuck, but now he was thinking of resorting to violence to get what he wanted . . . if the little bitch stopped being so damn helpless!

"Hoenstly, ever since we let them have a little quality time together, they became fucking inseperable!" Wichita vented. Tallahassee grunted, oh how low they had fallen to start confiding in _each other. _

_'Why, spit-fuck, when you know that I hate her.'_

Suddenly, in a flash of electricity, Tallahassee had the answer. He turned to Wichita sharply and said, "Wichita, I think I know how it started and how to end it." She was skeptical, but desperate to end this.

So was Tallahassee.

They stopped in a small house and promptly killed the undead fuckers before settling in. Tallahassee was overjoyed to find a working big screen and a working DVD player, it made his plan (and Wichita's, but he didn't like her so she didn't matter) perfect.

"Hey, Columbus, Little Rock, let's watch a movie." Wichita announced as she sat on the couch, before being pushed off by Tallahassee; who then finalized his claim by throwing his feet on the armrests. They saw both Columbus and Little Rock glance at each other and this confirmed their suspicions.

"Which of ye, Chellovet or devtchka, picks what we like, viddy?" Little Rock said.

Tallahassee prepared himself (he wanted to watch Silent Hill) and said, "Hey, spit-fuck, wasn't there a movie you wanted to watch with me?"

Columbus bolted upstairs and came down just as quickly, holding the DVD that he had bothered Tallahassee with a week before; making Tallahassee and Wichita have to face the grim truth of the past week.

Little Rock threw up her hands in happiness, "Confirmed, the malanky malchick is the oomny one while the bolshy chellovet is the gloopy one!"

Ohio put the DVD in and pressed play. So all four sat down (with the two younger ones settling in next to their respective protectors) and they watched an odd opening of red.

_"There was me, that is Alex, and my four droogs. That is Pete, Georgie, and Dim . . ."_

They'd been played.

Little Rock/Columbus – 1

Wichita/Tallahassee - 0


	2. Thriller

Shampoo147: Well, two stories in one day!

Ayame: We don't own Zombieland (ha, remembered what it was this time) or any related characters.

Shampoo147: This was inspired by Thriller - Michael Jackson (R.I.P.) during second hour. Because no one can resist the thrill of a thriller! By the way, if anyone can accurately tell me what Little Rock (and Columbus) are saying, then review to tell me and I'll write a oneshot with any plot bunny you throw at me! (No character death, please).

Ayame: Well, Cheeze isn't here right now so . . .

Shampoo147/Ayame/Artemis/Ares/Garfield/Deeds: REACH FOR THE STARS, CHEEZE! HANG IN THERE!

* * *

Thriller

Spit-fuck was ignoring him.

Normally, Tallahassee wouldn't notice something like this, but he'd recently noticed that he was incredibly attentive to people like Columbus, the bitch was just so damn helpless . . .

And Tallahassee could admit that it was nice to be hero-worshipped.

So, it was really no surprise that he noticed that spit-fuck was giving him the cold shoulder/silent treatment. He'd embrace it, if it was someone like Wichita, but he had a bit of a soft spot for the spit-fuck and a smaller spot for Little Rock, but the bitch was his to protect, so he was going to protect him.

Anyway, back to the issue, his bitch was ignoring him.

And he didn't know why.

He'd been okay with it for the first day or so, figuring that the group bitch was sulking or in a _mood_. Unfortunately, this seemed to be a bad move on his part because now the bitch was mad at him.

And Wichita was pissed at him because apparently his bad mood was transferred to Little Rock, who was siding with Ohio; leaving Wichita and Tallahassee together . . . again.

_'What the fuck did I do, spit-fuck?'_ Tallahassee thought irately, hating the growing trend and friendship between Little Rock and Ohio. Wichita already vented to herself (Tallahassee was taking a piss in the bush next to her at the time, so he heard her) that she couldn't even leave because Little Rock didn't want to leave Ohio. In short, Wichita was stuck with them from now on.

Haha, take that you bitch . . . now if it could stop affecting _him_.

"Damn it, make up with Columbus already!" Wichita snapped suddenly.

Tallahassee barely glanced at her before replying, "What the fuck am I supposed to do? How the hell am I supposed to know what I did to make Spit-fuck mad at me? Besides, your sister seems to be pretty pissed at you too, Bitch."

"She wasn't mad at me until you fucked up with Columbus." Wichita replied.

Tallahassee readjusted his grip on the steering wheel and glanced behind him to make sure that Spit-fuck and Little Rock were still sleeping before saying, "Well, I was thinkin' about that. We both know that there's no shit chance in hell that I am going to apologize to a bitch who's acting like a girl on her period," Wichita glared at him, "So, what the hell are we supposed to do?"

Wichita snorted, "What _can _we do? We can't hurt them and asking them what's wrong will probably make it worse. What's left?"

"Think, Spit-fuck is a phobic-ridden bitch and Little Rock is a little girl. What's their common weakness?" Tallahassee growled, not liking their lack of solutions. With zombies it was _easy_, kill them or die.

Wichita glared at the glove compartment, trying to work out what the two would have in common.

They couldn't think of anything that would work both on them at the same time.

* * *

"Little Rock, you want some Jolly Ranchers?" Wichita asked as they set up for the night. Little Rock didn't even glance at her before turning opening the door to the bathroom with a kick. They were about to turn away when a zombie suddenly threw himself out at them . . . only to have his head blown off by a firecracker.

"_Fuck_ yeah! I love them M-80s!" Tallahassee crowed as they converged around the bathroom door. Columbus was frowning at them, reminding them that one of his rules was to be cautious of bathrooms or something. Wichita nodded her thanks and Little Rock turned to Columbus and said, "Dobby brosay, eh bratty?"

Another thing that was irritating Tallahassee and Wichita was that Little Rock had started speaking weirdly again (they now knew that it was related to that movie Columbus liked). Columbus sometimes replied plainly, but he had taken to replying back in that gibberish (to Tallahassee and Wichita, Spit-fuck and Little Rock seemed to understand each other just fine).

"Real horrorshow." Spit-fuck replied.

In a flash of neural synapses, Wichita had the answer.

* * *

"Think it'll work?" Wichita asked, loathed to ask Tallahassee this, but she was needing reassurance.

"It was your fucking idea." Tallahassee snapped. Wichita sighed before nodding, then turning to the younger pair. "Hey, Columbus, Little Rock, we're going to put on a movie." She saw that the two seemed interested in what they were going to watch on the big screen (they had stumbled back into Beverly Hills and were now in some real estate agent's house; the screen was a big screen, there was chilled champagne, and the DVD player was a surround sound).

Columbus and Little Rock had been lugging out a dead zombie (Tallahassee had literally shoved an umbrella up the fucker's ass until it reached his head, making the Zombie Kill of the Week), so they pulled it outside (the back yard had already been cleared) and wandered back in just in time for Tallahassee to hit play.

Hesitant to break their silent treatment, Columbus and Little Rock wandered into the corner of the room to watch, just as Wichita had predicted they would. She caught Tallahassee's eye and gave him a subtle thumbs up.

* * *

Columbus couldn't fucking believe it. This movie was more fucked up than _Paranormal Activity._

First there was the crazy-ass girl running around talking about some fuckin' town no one's heard of and now there was-

"Holy _Fuck_, they just set her on fire!" Ohio cried as he hid his face into Tallahassee's jacket. There'd be no end to the teasing he'd get, but he had an overactive imagination and was being scared shitless, so it didn't really matter right now.

Little Rock released a similar squeak and hid her face into Wichita's shirt. Both Tallahassee and Wichita gave each other a covert thumbs up.

Just as Wichita had predicted, neither Columbus nor Little Rock could resist watching the movie, even though they were being scared so badly. And, just as predicted, they had promptly turned to their respective protectors for comfort.

There'd be hell to pay later for this, but they got what they wanted.

Neither Little Rock nor Columbus will be giving them the cold shoulder; they'd need the comfort only their protectors could offer for a while.

Little Rock/Columbus – 1

Wichita/Tallahassee – 1


End file.
